Lonely, Nah!
by dootadoot
Summary: Dorothy had gotten it into her head that I was absolutely in need of entertainment
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its chracters.**

A/N: Oh my goodness. I have no idea why this story will not leave me. It isn't even a couple I am all that particularly fond of but it is refusing to disappear from my thoughts. So I must write it out and hopefully get back into the groove of things I really want to get back to. For some reason I am so tired of writing Relena out as the goody goody that she seems to be. Anyway, hopefully someone out there enjoys this.

It had all started years before. Dorothy had gotten it into her head that I was absolutely in need of entertainment as I had not had a single say off in more than five months. She had taken us to the circus which I later deduced had an ulterior motive. She had also gotten me smashed beyond any level I had previously experienced and that is saying a lot as over the years I had developed a taste for the drink that could put my misery into such a blank part of my mind that I could pretend it didn't exist at all. The evil woman seemed to think that I being a virgin at twenty-five was horribly unjust to, in her words, a body that was to kill for. That line had worried me just a bit but as I stated I was pretty tanked and let it pass without even contemplation. As the guests were piling out of the big top to head to their homes after a long night out, Dorothy suggested that I make friends with a certain topless performer, who I might add that any sexually repressed woman would gladly make 'friends' with, before she ditched me entirely with a phrase somewhere along the lines of " I'm sure you can find your own way home tonight, princess. " Yes, the way she used the term princess certainly made it feel dirty but I was already having some particularly dirty thoughts at the moment. To get to the point, I strode as best I could in a drunken stupor to the handsome clown and casually stated, " Are you possibly interested in some no strings sex? " A huge part of me wishes that I could have been sober enough to see if that comment had actually caused his mask to crack at least a little bit. Either way I did find my way home. The next morning. On the back of a clown's motorcycle very discreetly of course. I had assumed that nothing would come of that encounter beyond me losing my virginity in a way most unbecoming of a princess. In the back of an animal trailer. In the dirty straw. With a man I had never actually spoken to before that night. However that night did ignite some stirring of womanhood inside me and I couldn't deny I honestly wanted more. So when Trowa showed up at my hotel room a few months later I had no qualms of divesting him of his turtleneck. Nor did I have any qualms when he showed up again a couple months after that in his Preventer uniform bruised and bloody. I simply took him to the bath and stripped him down and cleaned him as best as I could. Don't get me wrong, nothing sexual had happened that night. I was far too unsure of whether he was up for it but the next morning he certainly thanked me in a way I have never been before. Eventually these trysts just turned into an almost regular pattern. Months had turned into years and no one was ever the wiser. Well, besides Dorothy I presume. Unless she truly thought that I wouldn't have the gumption to go through with it. These days I honestly try to schedule lectures and meetings in cities that I know are near to where the circus is supposed to be. As discrete as were are I find it difficult to get enough. I have no idea how many other lovers he has throughout the world but I haven't even tried to find another. With my busy schedule and the press following my every move I doubt I could find someone else let alone that I doubt one could find a better lover than a Gundam Pilot. Sometimes I wonder what my fifteen year old self would have to say about all this but I don't think I really care. The day that I realized that I hoped he didn't have any other lovers was the day he started talking to me. Our previous encounters had so few words spoken that I wondered if he actually was a mute. It was my birthday in A.C. 207 and he didn't bother to offer me a gift of any sort except his words and I cherished them more than I should have. One never knows how long a heart can hold out with the whole no strings attached. But his voice was so smooth and pleasant I think he must secretly talk to himself or perhaps those circus animals. It certainly wasn't raspy as if he was unused to using it. It was warm and relaxing. The ice that surrounded me as a barrier from the harshness of the world was starting to melt and I realized I needed to start pushing him away. Unfortunately, I didn't have the self-discipline to push him away. Yes, the sex was that good.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GUNDAM WING**

September 23, 2011 A.C.

As I enter the control room my body is threatening to give my fear away. I'm cursing the treacherous thing as I take a seat as graciously as I can. To be honest I have no idea how I haven't gone into shock. The terrorist attack, sadly, isn't even what puts things over the top. It is the fact that I am now in a war room with the President of the E.S.U.N., Lady Une, and the five Gundam Pilots, most of whom I haven't seen since I was a teenager. Through the haze I just begin to make out Une's voice, "Foreign Minister, it seems that your peace negotiations have been futile. We had held out hope but it is clear now that they won't be enough." She must see through my façade because she gives me a moment to catch my bearings before continuing. "Preventer Barton has just returned from infiltrating this group." Well I guess that explains where he has disappeared to the last several months. How pathetic I am to worry that my lover has gotten tired of me in the midst of potential war. I am a sick, sick woman. I clear my head of such things as it seems that Une has not stopped talking. "It appears that it is a very small, tightly knit group of young rebels who have never fought in real battle before. A few young men and women who seem to think that disrupting the E.S.U.N. will make up for the loss of their parents' lives in the Eve Wars." She then directs the conversation back towards me. "It is also worth noting that their failed attempt to kidnap the Foreign Minister and the subsequent capture of her would be attacker helped lead to the break in this case. Relena, I am happy that you have learned a few defensive maneuvers in the last few years." She is talking about the almost laughable attempted where a single scrawny boy was sent into my home to abduct me. I'll admit that the only reason it isn't laughable is because it probably would have worked a few years ago before Trowa taught me a few things that weren't bedroom related. This comment however has caused at least three eyebrow raises. Heero, Duo, and Wufei. I inexcusably take pleasure in their unsuspecting faces. Take that you chauvinistic men who never thought I'd amount to anything other than the damsel in distress. I pinch my thigh to stop myself from enjoying a moment brought about by other people's pain. For we wouldn't be in this room had the rebels not taken an entire colony hostage. "At this time Preventer feels that the best course of action is to send in a small elite team to take out the rebels and secure the colony. But of course the decision is ultimately yours Mr. President." At this moment I can feel eyes turning to both the President and myself. Some of the people in this room are probably expecting for me to push for further negotiations but over the years I have learned that there comes a point when negotiations won't make a difference and the best thing to do is to take the risk of a strike team and hope for the least amount of lives lost. I turn my head towards the President and he only gives a slight nod of his head. He doesn't want to be responsible should this turn ugly but he apparently can't come up with a better tactic. "Alright then. At dawn you five will leave this bunker and take separate routes to infiltrate the rebels. By Dusk I want them taken down with the least amount of casualties as possible. Do you understand?" Duo responds with a 'Yes, sir'. The others with a ma'am. I glance at Trowa which of course doesn't go unnoticed. Damn my treacherous body and damn those pilots for never missing a thing. Of course he is suave and doesn't acknowledge me. Perhaps he has saved our discretion?

Once I reach my designated room for the night I am not surprised to see him sitting on my bed. Of course he is casual, as if there isn't a chance a war could break out at any moment. "I'm glad you came." Sometimes I find myself without those eloquent words I seem to be known for. He seems to appreciate my frankness for which I am grateful. He responds with holding me to the wall while consuming me with a searing kiss, for which I am also grateful. "I'm sorry if I gave anything away back there."

"Are you?"

"Pardon?" I ask even though I am pretty sure I know what is about to come. I was just hoping this wouldn't come up.

"Are you sorry you gave us away or were you trying to make it known? Maybe you were hoping for a reaction?"

I am tempted to ask why I would want to get a reaction but I know it's pointless. At one time I would have wanted to see a reaction on Heero's face. At one time that would have mattered to me. "I'm not a silly fifteen year old with a crush anymore. I may have once thought that I was in love with him but I am passed such childish beliefs as love at first sight." I see no point in lying to him. He would be able to see through anything I said anyways. "Can we just forget about that? I haven't seen you in months and I don't want to spend the next couple hours arguing."

He must agree with me because I suddenly find myself beneath his hard body on the pathetic excuse for a bed. His mouth and hands hungrily reacquainting themselves with my body as I do the same in return. It isn't long before I lose myself to the sensations that only he has ever brought about in me.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing**

As we emerged from my room an hour before dawn I squealed and jumped back. I certainly hadn't expected the sight currently before me. There directly in my path was Duo freaking Maxwell standing just across the hall with his arms crossed over his chest and a deep crazy scowl on his face. I have seen Heero's glares several times in my life and had heard from many that there was nothing scarier. I can now tell them they are wrong. Duo Maxwell has the creepiest damn scowl I have ever been witness to. "Just what do you think you are doing?" Despite how creeped out I am I manage to keep my cool long enough to put on a mask of askance. "You should be trying to win Heero back not be bedding. . ." his voice trails off as his arms flail about wildy indicating Trowa, "him." Heebee Jeebees quickly dissipate as my anger takes control of the situation.

"I have never had Heero to win back, first of all. Second of all, Heero has been married for seven years now. Which I assume he is happy in since he has three children. I am happy with my current. . . arrangement." Damn, I shouldn't have paused. "Why would you want me to destroy his family? It seems as if this dream is more something you want to see because you can't live out your own 'happily ever after'." That was a low dig. He probably didn't think I knew about him. How at the end of the war he turned to alcohol. How he lost his business and his girl to some of his many drunken indiscretions. I probably wouldn't have known had I not been invited to her wedding two years ago and heard all the juicy details from a very drunk bridesmaid at the bar. I will probably regret saying anything once this anger withdraws but at the moment I am feeling pretty high and mighty.

He seems to be seething when he looks at a calm and collected Trowa. "You know she loves Heero, right? This is only going to end badly for you." He storms off down the hall and I suspect the argument from last night will make a reappearance. Once Trowa puts his hand on my shoulder and kisses my cheek I get the impression that he knows he doesn't need to worry. I let him leave and make my way back to the war room to await the coming storm.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Same old, same old. **

October 28, 2011 A.C.

So I am a weak, weak woman. Should I voice this new revelation to a certain pilot I know that I would never live it down. I haven't seen or heard from my clown in over a month; not since he helped to successfully dismantle a rebel faction. I am going through withdrawals and it isn't only the sex I have been missing. It is everything about him; his steadiness, his conversation and even lack thereof, and yes his body too. But most of all I just miss him throughout all of my being. I sit here watching his circus performance with an aching in my soul. How could I have not stopped myself for falling for him? How could I not have seen how deeply he had woven himself into my life? There have been longer stretches of time between our rendezvous but this time I can feel that he has no intention of returning. And of course I have to become that foolish girl who is buried deep inside of me and track him down. I have to see him, talk to him. I have to know if we are over.

Once the show is over I wait. I never use to be good at waiting but years in politics and years with this man have taught me how to wait. I am being cowardly and waiting until every last person goes to their trailer for the night. Should he ask why I waited until the wee hours of the morning to knock on his trailer door I can play it off as if I didn't want to be seen. But in reality I am waiting because I feel certain of rejection and want as few witnesses to my undoing as possible. I thought I had buried the girl in me for good when I realized Heero had moved on with his life without ever even giving me a second thought. I thought I had given up on ever loving anyone. Certainly that was why I asked Trowa for no strings sex, right? Maybe I wanted this all along. Maybe I was hoping he might fall for me. Why am I such a silly romantic? And why can't I just let him go?

I am still wondering why I won't just let him go when I knock on his trailer door. He opens the door and moves aside so that I can come in. His face doesn't give away whether he is surprised to see me or not. Nor does it indicate if he wants me here or not. Again I lamely come out with, "I missed you." And I get just a slight head nod in return. "You weren't planning on coming to see me again, were you?" I need this answer more than anything.

"No." My heart breaks.

"Why not?" My voice betrays my hurt.

"You know why." Really? Well that is news to me.

"No. I do not know why. We had a good thing going. I let you in and now you just want me to let you go. It is not that easy for me. I can't just let you go?"

"Why is that?"

"Because I love you. I know I said no strings but I couldn't help myself. I love you and now you just want me to let go without ever getting any answers. If you don't want whatever this is anymore then you need to tell me. At least have the decency to tell me that you don't want me." Damn. I have tears running down my face and my voice barely made those words coherent. Weak, weak, weak, I am so pathetic.

And now the man is just looking at me. Studying me for who knows why. I profess my love for him and he just stares. This is perhaps worse than outright rejection. I am beginning to shake. I should just leave. I can't take him piercing through me with his emerald eyes anymore. I turn and reach the doorknob and am outside with the door shut behind me, running, running so that he can't hear my sobs.

My knees give out behind someone's trailer about a hundred yards from his. I try to keep my crying as quiet as possible. Don't want the press to catch wind of the Foreign Minister sobbing like a baby behind some circus trailers. I cover my face with my hands and breathe deeply to calm myself. I can do this. I have held the weight of both the world and the colonies on these shoulders so I know that they can handle heartbreak. I can do this. I take it a step at a time. I stop crying. I stand up. I begin to walk away. I see Trowa standing five feet in front of me. I freeze while cursing myself for falling for a man who can move as quietly as the night itself. When he notices me looking he asks, "Did you mean it?" Of course I meant it. I want to give a sarcastic retort but I merely nod my head. As I do so he saunters over. Yes, saunters. In that sexy sort of way that resembles a wild cat. Just as he reaches me he offers the tiniest of smiles. "I love you too." Suddenly my face is in his hands and his lips are on mine but not in their usual hot and untamed way. This kiss is hesitant, delicate, lingering. It is so sweet and gentle that when he pulls away I feel like I've never known what it was like to be kissed.

I reach for his hand and ask him, "Do you mean it?" He nods. Yeah, we really are a sad couple if we have to ask such questions. But he is all I need and I know that now as I lace my fingers through his. He brings me to a sitting position and we watch the night sky together, hand in hand. I lean my head on his shoulder and he actually smiles down at me. Happiness.


End file.
